why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
