forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize