my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
