i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
