dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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