You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
