I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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