do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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