4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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