Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
