Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
