Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
