On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
