Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
