im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
