he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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