During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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