yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
