Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we should paint friendship bongs
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