If i come over, it means nothing
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
