I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
