Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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