Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
