i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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