I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
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