remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
