my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize