No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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