I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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