Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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