i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
