Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
