do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
