Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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