I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
