Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
