honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize