you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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