your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
