I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
