I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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