I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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