i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
