What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
