it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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