hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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