So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize