I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
