I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
