i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
