Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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