I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Mom said you looked used
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
