i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
