let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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