I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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