Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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