my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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