My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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