Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
