The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm at about main and main street
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
