I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
