fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
