I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
