Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
