i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
