final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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