Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
COCAINE IS GR8
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
