oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
