Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
