Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
