Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
