I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
NoShamevember. You game?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
