Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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