That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
id be glad to
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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