he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
