apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
