come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
