im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
