im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
