i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
